The Talk
by I brake for nobody
Summary: "Wait, what is sex?" Wendy asked, utterly confused. And that was when Mira went into Demon form and beat the crap out of Laxus for deviling Wendy's innocence. Oneshot


**This is just a random silly oneshot, because oneshots are the best. **

**This story is just random nonsense meant to entertain you, so don't take it seriously. Onwards!**

**I own nothing concerning Fairy Tail.**

* * *

Now, Wendy was a young and impressionable girl, who was most importantly, raised by a dragon. So she never got _the talk._

So after they returned from Tenrou Island, she started to notice some things.

Babies, babies everywhere. Little Asuka being one of them. It was so strange. The one day, Biska and Alzack could barely look at each other and then the next (Wendy seemed to forget they had been missing for seven years, and a lot could happen in that time) they had a kid.

So she asked Carla, since Carla usually knew everything.

"Hey Carla, how are babies made?" she asked with bright and curious eyes.

Carla gaped at her. "Oh my. Wendy, you are far too young to be thinking about these things!" and walked away dramatically, leaving poor Wendy even more confused.

But Wendy just had to know. Did you have to buy one? Maybe you had to go through a series of tests and then someone would decide if you were worthy of one.

* * *

She noticed the rest of Team Natsu along with Juvia sitting at their usual table and smiled. They would tell her!

"Oh hey Wendy." Natsu smiled at her. Wendy gave them all a wave and sat down next to Lucy.

"Can I ask you guys something?"

"Of course, we'd be happy to answer." Lucy said.

"How are babies made?" Gray and Lucy choked, Erza turned bright red and refused to look Wendy in the eye, Juvia smiled a creepily large smile at Gray and Natsu seemed to be in deep concentration.

"Uhm. Well you see- uhm. Babies. Well..." Lucy stuttered and looked to her friends for help, but they were just as lost as she was. How were they supposed to tell this young and innocent girl how babies were made?

"Babies are hatched from eggs! Like dragons." Natsu shouted excitedly, he was still a kid at heart.

"Are you an idiot flame-head? Humans aren't anything like dragons, humans come out of-come out of..." and suddenly Gray went silent, his face bright red.

"Come out of what?" Wendy asked curiously, but no one would look her in the eye.

"That's not important now, what you must know Wendy, is that when two people love each other and want to start a family they have to…" Erza was interrupted by Lucy who was staring wide eyed at her.

"Erza, she's too young, you'll scar her for life." She whispered, Erza was about to retort but was interrupted by Juvia.

"Juvia heard that babies come from the Stork." She said nonchalantly. Everyone else stared at her like she was insane.

"The Stork? What the hell is that? Some kind of guild?" Gray asked.

Juvia was confused, "It's a bird. You've never heard the story of the Stork?" everyone shook their head," Juvia does not understand how you don't know, Juvia heard the story as a child. When a couple wants a baby, they have to wait for nine months and then the stork brings them their baby." She said, and then adding. "Juvia is still waiting for the Stork to visit Juvia and Gray-Sama."

Gray choked for the second time today.

"That makes no sense, why would a bird bring you a baby?" Lucy asked.

Erza nodded "Yes, that story does seem a bit farfetched, now as I was saying, when two people love each other-"Lucy franticly put her hand over Erza's mouth.

"I'm telling you guys, babies are hatched! Which would explain why Gray is the way he is. When he was in his egg, his egg fell from the nest and that's why Gray is stupid." Natsu smiled.

"Oi, furnace. Are you saying I'm stupid?" Gray glared.

"Well I'm not saying you're smart."

"You wanna go, Lame Flame?"

"Bring it on, popsicle."

Wendy left, knowing that she wouldn't get any answers now.

* * *

She walked up to Gajeel and Lilly, who were sharing a table with Team Shadow Gear. She put on her biggest smile, waved at them and then asked.

"How are babies made?"

Levy made a small squeak sound, Gajeel just stared at the table, while Jet and Droy looked at Levy with wide eyes and fainted and Lilly, Lilly walked away and he had no regrets.

"Okay then. If ya' really want to know, I'll tell ya'" Gajeel started but was smacked in the back of the head by a frantic Levy.

"You can't be serious? You can't tell her how babies are made!" Levy said, trying to hide the blush she knew was coming.

"And why not Shrimp? If she wants to know, who are we to tell her she can't?" Gajeel replied and was about to start explaining, before noticing the murderous glare on Levy's face and promptly shut up.

"Sorry Wendy, I just remembered, Gajeel and I have this thing we have to do at this place." Levy grabbed Gajeel's arm and dragged him out of the guild. Jet and Droy lay forgotten on the floor.

* * *

Wendy sighed, this was so frustrating. Why would no one tell her? It couldn't be that bad right?

She noticed Mira at the bar talking to Laxus and the thunder god tribe. Surely they would tell her.

Mira smiled when she noticed her, "Hey Wendy." Everyone else gave an acknowledging nod.

"No one else will tell me, so can you please tell me. How are babies made?"

No one spoke for what felt like a long time until suddenly.

"Sex"

"LAXUS!" Everyone around him yelled furiously. Mira nearly went into demon form. Fried looked absolutely appalled, but admired how brave Laxus was to say that so openly, Bixslow desperately trying to get his babies to stop whispering. _"Sex" "Sex" "Sex"_. Evergreen looked mortified while Elfman, who for some odd reason was there as well, said something along the lines of 'having babies is manly'

"Wait, what is sex?" Wendy asked, utterly confused.

And that was when Mira went into Demon form and beat the crap out of Laxus for deviling Wendy's innocence.

Wendy, terrified, slowly walked away.

* * *

She asked some of the other guild members.

Cana: "Lots and lots of booze"

Makarov: "Sweet child, now is not the time to worry about – Mira! You're killing my grandson."

Makoa: "With an evil ex-wife who doesn't care about you at all."

Happy: "With fish of course!"

Lisanna: "Well, uh, there are birds and there are bees and then they… uh they.. Oh look, Elfman is calling me!"

* * *

Wendy sat down, defeated. She would never know.

"Wendy!" the small body of Asuka running up to her, giggling.

Wendy smiled brightly at the little girl in front of her, then at Biska and Alzack who trailed behind their daughter.

"So Wendy, we hear you've turned the guild into chaos."Alzack said, pointing to the scene in front of them.

Gray and Natsu were still fighting, and oddly enough, Erza and Lucy were also in an argument because Erza did not appreciate Lucy ruining the wonderful monologue she had planned about the miracle of birth. Laxus was still getting the crap beat out of him, Fried had tears running down his face because his beloved leader was losing to a woman, Bixlow was still desperately trying to stop his babies from whispering 'sex', because that did not help ease Mira's fury. Elfman and Evergreen were in a heated argument over whether or not birth was manly. While Cana started making bets pertaining every above mentioned scene. Oh, and Jet and Droy were still unconscious.

"I just wanted to know how babies were made." Wendy said, guilt showing on her face.

"Wendy, those idiots don't have the slightest clue about anything concerning babies. You should have just asked us." Biska said with a warm smile. Wendy mentally smacked herself for being so stupid.

"So you'll tell me!?"

"All you have to know is that when two people are really in love and made the commitment to spend their lives together and are ready to start a family, they have a baby. How the baby is made, is not important for now, but what is important is that when you have found your soul mate and feel you are ready for this commitment, that's when you'll know how babies are made." Biska said, finally answering the question Wendy so desperately wanted to know, without actually answering it.

Wendy hugged Biska, "Thank you! And is it okay if I ask one more question?"

Alzack nodded. "Go ahead"

"What's sex?"

You could hear Mira's bloodcurdling screams from across the guild.

* * *

**If you enjoyed it, please let me know. :)**


End file.
